How I lost myself in motherhood and found myself through Human Design
Everyone has their own story when it comes to Human Design. I truly believe that it is a system that ‘finds’ you when you need it, and while I was aware of its existence prior to 2020, it wasn’t until a pivotal time of my life that I came face to face with my true self through the magic of the Bodygraph.
Losing my way
Rewind to the beginning of 2020. I had stepped over the threshold of becoming a Mother in September 2019 and I was deep in the trenches of early motherhood. It was messy, raw, tender and stripped me of almost all the identity I had previously felt comfortable in. This portal of Matrescence was re-arranging me, and at the time it felt both brutal and beautiful.
If I am honest with myself, I had lost my way a long way before I became a Mother, but my daughter’s birth, and subsequently being catapulted into the responsibility of tending to her needs, was the catalyst I needed to truly redirect my path and come back to myself.
At the time I was 36 and my work had been a meandering pathway of many different things. In my early twenties I built my own successful PR & Marketing business, and yet as I came towards my Saturn Return (around the age of 27/28) I pivoted and trained as a Health Coach before spending the next 5/6 years diving down the wellbeing rabbit hole. I did my Yoga Teacher training and found myself balancing both my love for supporting other women in business with various memberships and business mentoring, alongside holding space running yoga retreats and classes, women’s circles and other creative endeavours.
I found myself at a crossroads. I had recently given up the stability of some regular freelance Marketing work and my coaching business wasn’t thriving. It was the start of the pandemic, I had no childcare and I was mid way through completing a trauma-informed coaching certification I had invested in.
I was constantly trying to figure out the ‘thing’ that I was meant to do, wondering why I couldn’t seem to ‘stick’ to anything. Full of ideas, but nothing really landed and my offerings did not have the magnetism that I hoped for. This search was exhausting, disheartening and dulled my lifeforce as I kept considering myself fickle, or unable to stick at anything meaningful.
Why did other people seem to find their ‘thing’, and stick at it?
I was deeply unsatisfied and very frustrated.
The chart as a mirror
I don’t remember the exact catalyst, but I am sure I was listening to a podcast, on one of my many walks while my baby napped in her buggy, during the pandemic when I felt called to look at my chart for the first time. It is said that when you see your chart for the first time it activates an energetic process that sparks a seven year de-conditioning process. Now as I edge towards that seventh year (at the time of writing this) I feel that to my core.
When I started to explore what my chart meant (Sacral Manifesting Generator 4/6), through reading articles and listening to podcasts, I remember my shoulders dropping and feeling as though my whole body was sighing in deep acceptance. With every piece of the puzzle I discovered, I felt truly seen, I understood myself and finally, after 36 years, felt I had been given permission to be my SELF.
My sacral response was fully awakened and I got first hand opportunity to really feel what it meant to get that ‘body yes’ as I dove down the rabbit hole of Human Design. Before long before I completed my first reader training and now, having deepened my studies year after year, I get the pleasure and privilege of offering others a window into their true selves through Human Design.
A true remembering of self
Up until I started to explore Human Design I had always been hard on myself for not being able to choose one path. I used words such as fickle and flakey to describe myself and I would dread the moment (and still do to be honest) where people ask me what ‘I do’ because I simply cannot categorise myself as one thing.
Human Design has enabled me to see myself through a compassionate and understanding lens. I am meant to pivot and to take what I need from an experience even if I don’t complete it. I am supposed to have multiple passions and multi-tasking can be very aligned for me. Moving quickly from task to task allows me to embrace the different sparks that alight in me when I have something exciting to respond to.
Before, I had taken on the storyline that I needed to have one clear vocation, but in fact I am here to be a multi-dimensional being and my life path simply will not be linear.
Human Design helped me remember who I was before the world told me who I ‘should’ be.
Integrating Human Design into every day life
I now find Human Design is woven into almost everything I do. I have created a business that moves and evolves with my multi-faceted layers. There are very few situations where understanding and looking at the chart doesn’t illuminate something useful for me to explore. This system has given me a beautiful framework to support and guide me in my both my business and in my relationships. It also helps point me towards the things that bring me satisfaction and alignment in every day life.
The wisdom has come to me in layers, and still does now. I am always learning something new through Human Design and have found that the right information, teacher or insight arises at the exact time I need to receive it.
If this has sparked your curiosity then I urge you to take the first step and look up your chart.
If you want to use Human Design to gain clarity and direction in your own sacred business, then click here to explore and book The Window with me.
The next post in this series will be a detailed guide to the five Human Design energy types. Starting here is the perfect entry point to understand yourself on a deeper level.
